The Most Important Decision Our Children Will Ever Make

As a mother, yoga teacher, and lifelong student of love and life—I often find myself contemplating what truly shapes our happiness.

Not the kind of fleeting happiness that comes from a new toy or holiday—but the deep, rooted contentment that carries us through life’s highs and lows.

And I’ve come to believe that the most important decision our children will ever make is not what they study or the career path they pursue… but who they choose to walk beside for the rest of their lives.

This isn’t something I was ever explicitly taught growing up.

Kindness. Emotional maturity. Growth mindset.

These weren’t modelled to me in my early life.

They are values I’ve come to learn, embody, and love—through the lived experience of sharing life with my husband over the past 14 years.

Raising children, weathering challenges, and finding deeper connection in the everyday moments has taught me more about love and partnership than any book or course ever could.

These aren’t just ideals I hope for my children—they’re lessons I’ve lived, and continue to live, every single day.

Why Relationships Matter More Than We Think

In fact, researchers at Harvard have been tracking this very question for over 85 years. The Harvard Study of Adult Development—one of the longest-running studies of human happiness—revealed something profound:

“The clearest message we get from this 85-year study is this: Good relationships keep us happier and healthier. Period.”

— Dr. Robert Waldinger

It’s not our wealth, our postcode, or even our education that shapes our long-term wellbeing—it’s the quality of our close relationships, especially with our life partner.

So even though my twins are only nine, I’m already gently planting seeds. Not with pressure or expectation—but by encouraging them to be mindful about the kind of people they surround themselves with… and more importantly, the kind of person they are becoming.

3 Qualities I Teach My Children for Meaningful Relationships

1. Kindness, First and Foremost

Kindness is a quiet superpower.

Not just being nice when it’s easy—but acting with compassion when it’s inconvenient, when no one is watching.

I tell my kids:

“Notice how your friends treat animals. How they speak to people who can’t do anything for them. That’s where their true nature lives.”

And just as importantly, I remind them to be the kindness they wish to receive.

Because how we treat others—especially when it’s difficult—is a mirror of how we treat ourselves, and how we’ll one day treat a life partner.

2. Emotional Maturity & Conflict Resolution

No relationship is free from disagreement. But what makes a partnership strong isn’t the absence of conflict—it’s the presence of emotional maturity.

I teach my children that staying calm, honest, and kind in the midst of disagreement is a strength worth developing.

To speak the truth with love. To stay present even when emotions rise. To forgive fully and move forward—free of residue.

It takes courage and humility to say:

“I was wrong.”

“I hear you.”

“I still love you.”

These are the building blocks of deep trust. Of lasting connection.

3. Growth Mindset & Shared Evolution

We are not meant to stay the same.

Life changes us, and the best relationships are with people who welcome that evolution.

I remind my kids that the most nourishing friendships and future partnerships will be with people who support their growth—and inspire them to grow, too.

Whether simplifying, expanding, starting over or letting go…

There’s something so beautiful about walking through the seasons of life with someone who says:

“Yes, I’m changing too—let’s change together.”

In Closing…

As parents, we can’t choose our children’s paths.

But we can guide them gently, planting seeds of wisdom, empathy, and self-awareness.

We can model the kind of love we hope they receive.

We can teach them that relationships are living, breathing things that require tenderness, curiosity, and courage.

And most of all, we can remind them—with grace and truth—that who they choose to share their life with may be the most important decision they’ll ever make.

Because love isn’t just something we fall into.

It’s something we grow into, together.

And it’s a garden worth tending—every single day.